i remember being in the hospital after hudson was born and feeling frustrated that breastfeeding didn't come as naturally as i thought it would. i had read all the books and felt prepared. but it was hard. really hard. all the nurses had different different opinions on what worked best. after numerous trips to the lactation center during those first few weeks, i realized i should have listened to the fiery nurse who helped deliver hudson from the get go. she explained that you had to be aggressive, really smush 'em on there. "whomp" was the word she used to describe it. needless to say we found our stride.
and 16 months later hudson is still nursing or num nums as we call it. i had planned to stop at a year. it seemed to me like the right time to wean a baby. and there were a few days before his first birthday when he seemed to lose interest in it. that was probably my window. but i wasn't ready so we kept on. hudson has grown from a newborn to a toddler and our nursing relationship has certainly changed over the past many months. but one thing has remained the same. the feeling that time is standing still in those quiet moments. hudson is a very affectionate little boy, but he doesn't stay still for long these days. these are the few times a day when i get to take him in my arms and cuddle him uninterrupted. sometimes he is very focused on the task at hand and doesn't want to be bothered. other times he's silly and playful and we tickle and giggle. it's our special time together and i'm finding that i don't want to give it up just yet. i keep meaning to wean him. i read about ways to wean a toddler, from going cold turkey to using lemon juice to slowly taking a feeding away each week. but then i find that i'm just not ready.
there have been numerous occasions since hudson turned one when i've been so thankful that he is still nursing. when he was rushed to the ER because his blood oxygen levels were so low and we were there for hours getting tests and x-rays done. when we've flown and nursing has helped to relieve the pressure in his ears. when he's teething and nothing else seems to calm him. now i'm telling myself that i'll wean him when he's 18 months, which gives us about six weeks. but time will tell. for now i'm enjoying this fleeting time. he is so quickly growing into an amazing little boy. and i think nursing has played some small part in that. i am thankful that we have been able to do it for this long, and will continue, at least for a little while longer.